Amalgamation

…..For I am the first and the last.

I am the honored one and the scorned one.

I am the whore and the holy one.

I am the wife and the virgin.

I am the daughter.

I am the members of my mother.

I am the barren one

and many are my sons.

I am she whose wedding is great,

and I have not taken a husband.

For I am knowledge and ignorance.

I am shame and boldness.

I am shameless; I am ashamed.

I am strength and I am fear.

I am war and peace.

Give heed to me.

I am the one who is disgraced and the great one.

[Of Sophia]

FELINE:

I am wandering away from the sun-lit meadow with its clear terrain – the green shadows of the dense neuronal web is changing colour from pistachio to deep malachite......I am mind-melting with him....does he know I'm there? Possibly. And it does not matter – it is like a drug – delicious layer after layer – I am off into the dark woods, into the shadow, into his subconsciousness..........there in lay his darkest thoughts and fantasies.....therein germinates the all-powerful and all-ruling desire possessing his body from time to time. I am plunging into the darkness so that my eyes can barely discern the silhouettes of random thought forms whirling by, and some gently gliding.......I marvel at the rigid, intricate structure of some parts of his mind and at the amorphous, chaotic, yet wildly beautiful towering constructs of the others.......Does he know I am here? Oh, stop it! I told you – it doesn't matter – just keep exploring! He does not know that you have that ability to split yourself in two and be in your body at once and in him at the same time......yet, can it be that he is starting to sense that?

MEPHISTO:

I am awaiting Her. I know she will come. I know it will be in a new, unpredictable way. She is never the same........the continuity thread is so subtle – I never know which facet of hers I will see. Like the time that she showed up in a goddess costume and beckoned me to hang-glide with her just like that.........and we did step off the cliff. Both for the first time – I still remember the wisps of thin chiffon of her costume streaming around us like milky rivers.........as we were at the peak of the ascent, as we were riding the warm currents, she pulled out a bottle of glitter and opened the lid........the sparkling dust has risen up and we flew through a cloud of sun-sparkling diamonds......She screamed with joy and I felt free.........free of fear, of reservation, of hesitation and resistance........I felt ALIVE and PRESENT......Electric current on my spine.....a gentle touch on my neck. She is here. She must have come in from the back – I didn't see her. She never wants to sit across from me. Says it's too far.........I do not mind the distance sometimes, but am getting used to the “same side idea.” We are in a booth – it's not a problem. The next moment – she is next to me. My nostrils catch a scent of sunlight, sea breeze and, perhaps, a white orchid? Something exotic......Her hand touches mine. She does not say a word. She clearly knows when to pause.

FELINE:

As I wander through the Escher-esque realm of his imagination, something in my peripheral vision causes me to pause. A glimpse........a replica........of ME? She is standing there like a hologram – white chiffon goddess holding on to a hang-glider bar...the air around that hologram sparkles. I stand in bemusement absorbing the vision. She feels so alive. I touch his hand ever so slightly........gently sharing my qui with him......I can feel the current reach his mind – the loop has closed. He looks at me without words – they are superfluous at this moment – I simply know with my core and Presence – he sees me – not the Ego, not the superficial forms, the consciousness behind all that. An extraordinary sense of warmth envelops and penetrates my body upon that recognition. On some level he already knows that at this very moment a part of me exits his mind and becomes a droplet of blood in his veins – I am him as we speak. I am him as I hold his hand and as he sees me. In this state of amalgamation that feels effortless and pure, I feel both surrender and acceptance....and no fear of either. I can feel the life energy pulsating through both of us in one complete loop......and I can feel physical desire, although cannot say whether it is his or mine – it cycles throughout both of our bodies without distinction.

Thoughts drift to the “Game” - the hit-and-run, the “hard-to-get,” the “disappear into the night” game that has become so customary.........Thoughts of the years spent on “counterintelligence” of the game........how ridiculous all they feel now. How useless. How irrelevantly distant. It dawns upon me that seduction can happen at a plane so much higher than that ego-driven child-play..........and there it truly intermeshes the matrices of the spirit-mind-body tri-une. As I am coursing through his body, I feel resistance in his shoulders and his brain, although his limbic centers pulsate with desire that he has learned to control so exquisitely and has subdued to the rule of his mind.........and, yet, I can feel – and that sense is so tactile! - that sometimes he allows the wild stallion of the “reptilian brain” to let loose, and it erupts to the surface with hot magma to fulfillment...

MEPHISTO:

I feel that my rational thought is not enough. I call into action my full arsenal of existence – I feel intense tension building in the bio-space between us, and cannot explain it with confines of the known language. I feel the tremendous pulsation and an unexpected,sense of communion and being watched. From within. As I turn into my inner-scape, I feel another Presence – mine is not the only witness there. Yet, strangely, even though this Watcher is under my carefully crafted and much used samurai-worthy armor, I do not feel violated - I feel fuller, more resonant. Externally, I appear to resist her openness in one moment, while the temptation to surrender to her is definitely there...Yet, that would detract from the tension and the intrigue building.......I enjoy the charge and the gentle power-play that carries the lithospheric plates of the external reality like a magma undercurrent – hot and pulsating. I see that fire reflect in her eyes – I can feel it in her hand – I know she is aware of it at the same moment. I am realizing that there is just one being sitting at the table, only that one has two faces, two external bodies – a societal consensus of a “male” and a “female.” There is no equality of power, for it is one, while the external faces are so different and misleading.......Could she be a part of me and I – of her? Am I going mad?